Monthly Archives: March 2012

The Zigo!

I have wanted a Zigo Leader for a while.  Since moving to Alaska, I really miss biking.  One of the first things we’ll buy in Denver is a bike and a carrier for the kiddos.  The nice thing about the Zigo is that we’d only need one carrier gadget.  It’s a walking stroller, jogging stroller, and bike trailer.  The Leader is also a bike, with the bike trailer riding under the handle bars.  I think having the kids in the front of the bike seems much safer, particularly for city traffic.

 

But the price tag is prohibitive for me.  When I saw the contest that Zigo was running, I was stoked.  And scared.  I honestly want a Zigo product so badly that I’m afraid to enter – because if I enter I might lose.  It’s that lovely self-sabotage thing that so many of us are good at.  Anyway, the contest is for a Zigo Mango, which is not exactly what I want, but still much better than what I’ve got.  So here we go.  On the last day possible to enter, I’m doing an all out blitz.  I’ll enter the contest every way I can, including a video where I outright plead for them to gift me with a ticket to a new life.  Going all in today!

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One of those sanitized sins: gossip

Over the last several weeks (months?) I’ve been working on the way that I talk about people.  Specifically, the sarcastic, condescending tone that can often come out when the person (or group of people) I’m talking about isn’t around.  You know the tone.

“The stupid idiots who get elective inductions.”

“Parents who don’t even try to breastfeed.”

“I thought she was a good mom, but then she mentioned spanking her kids.”

 

Is this ever helpful?  Ever?  There’s a pin buzzing around on pinterest that says “The way a person talks about other people to you is the way that person will talk about you to others.”  It’s true.  It’s not a new idea, and it’s as true today as it probably always has been.

I think it starts innocuously.  Trying to establish your place in the group by showing solidarity against the others.  I’m not with them, so you know I’m with you!  Let’s be BFFs!  I’ve done it too.  I’ve declared “that other group” of people wrong to show my current company that I’m one of them, in the right.

But it’s wrong.  We know it is.  If what you’re saying would hurt someone who overheard it, you probably shouldn’t say it.  It’s not rocket science.  We expect this and teach it to our elementary age kids.  But we don’t seem to hold ourselves to that standard.

Unfortunately, eliminating this manner of speech is hard.  It means being silent more often, and keeping in those thoughts while you work on finding something else to say.  But it’s so important.  You can’t be trustworthy when you’re trashing someone or an entire group of people.

 

And it’s not essential that you be able to justify someone’s actions before you extend them grace, or even the basest respect.   I do not have to understand why you chose to electively induce labor before I decide to treat you with respect.  Even when you’re not around.  Because regardless of your choices, I AM responsible for mine.

So I’m choosing to clean up my aura.  Shake off those bad vibes by no longer inviting them into my life.  That doesn’t mean that no one will have beef with me.  Reading is relationship (as is writing) and I cannot control all sides of the relationship.  You choose to read what you want, as much of it as you want, with whatever tone you put onto the words.  I can only be vigilant about the words I’m putting out and the meaning I have for them.  From there, I have to trust.

I believe that if more people were being trustworthy with what they say, more people would extend trust to what they read, hear, or see.  We’d be more trusting if we were acting more trustworthy.  Both individually and corporately.

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sleeper

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March 11, 2012 · 5:12 pm

Some Recent Favorites

 

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To be open and vulnerable

What to say when there is so much to be said?

I could not address all that has happened and is happening in my life.  Not even if I tried, or wanted to try.

I cannot do it with a pen,

I cannot do it with a friend.  

I cannot do it in my home,

I cannot do it all alone.

There is brokenness, there is hurt.  There is abandonment and strife and attack.  And in the midst of it, of all of it, there is coming together.  There is gentle, patient, love.  There is support and a steadfast current of compassion.  Not from the expected places – to which a part of me screams “but you SHOULD be helping me!” – but from the right places.  Friends whose help I severely underestimated.  Once again, I prioritized people all wrong.  I expected from some what they were not willing (or possible able) to give and I did not expect from others such a pure expression of love.  This is not a new surprise, I often find myself making assumptions about where I will see God and blessings.  I am often wrong.

For so long I have been trying to dam up a river, a flood of emotion that I am afraid to address.  I’m even aware of it now and still suppressing.  I’m afraid to let go and be vulnerable.  I’ve always been a fan of keeping my vulnerability to myself, many children of alcoholics prefer not to trust people that way.  And as a mom, I don’t often (or ever) find myself alone.  Which makes putting off the inevitable breakdown so convenient.

And any whiff of vulnerability is so attractive to some.  When I first recognized this overwhelming surge I tried to prepare.  I tried to create some emotional space and ready myself to process.  I didn’t expect what happened next.  And I didn’t expect so many intense conflicts and stressors all at once.  But here I am.  Watching various parts of my life change shape.  Out of my control, outside even my influence.  I can only wait to see where the dust settles and then re-assess.  There will likely be more hurt.  I don’t know where to expect it and I am finally learning not to predict.  To just wait and rely on the strength that I know will follow.

I know the hurt will be followed by a solid, strong presence.  God will follow. In some way that I might not expect but it will be so clear as it unfolds.  I’m learning to place my trust there.  Not in people, like I so often do, but in God who will always show in some way and place.

I’m less surprised when someone hurts me than I used to be.  I used to feel such shock when faced with betrayal.  It’s easier, now, to let it wash past.  It still hurts, but it doesn’t shake my core.  My core is somewhere else.  Somewhere steadfast and solid.  And the reassuring presence of God manifests in surprising places, but I know I can expect it.  And I do.  And that has made all the difference.

I’m learning not to spend so much time and energy evaluating the paths to my left and right – but to look up and let the love of God wash over me.  To pause and wait for the world and wind to settle into something I can work with.  I know I will be safe and loved and successful even if I go the wrong way.  I am learning to stop choosing my path based on what I see in other people or what I expect them to do.  I am learning instead to choose my path and trust that the people God is choosing to use in my life will be on that path.  Because they will.  Because God is in them, working through them, showing His love to me.  And He is faithful.  Unendingly faithful.

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